I’m a .com

It Feels Like The End Of The World

I haven’t talked to my brother in almost a month. That feels like ages! I have notice that every time I go for a long time without talking to him I feel like I have lost sense of reality. It feels like I have lost the very ground underneath my feet - I’m suspended - there isn’t a benchmark, I’m missing the check of what is worth it to be alive and going. We caught each other on the messenger, for a few minutes, yesterday but I had to leave for work so we decided that we would catch up today. It was a big plan for me. My plan was:

Ø Get up at 7:30
Ø Shower
Ø Get to talk to Emo for an hour
Ø Do excessive reading for school
Ø Do the regular, quick Thursday-lunch with Steff
Ø Do excessive reading for School
Ø Go to class
Ø Do some more studying
Ø Go to bed

Well, it didn’t go that well! Didi called me yesterday asking if I can drive her husband, whose driver’s license is suspended, to work. She had cried her eyes out trying to drive the monstrous, old, beat up truck last time. I really wanted to help. That’s how I ended up getting up in 7:00, blowing my brother off and driving the worst machine in my life. It was fun, I have to agree. I was on the roof of Captain Frostis when realized that I may not be able to make it for the Thursday-lunch with Steff so I called her it the radio. Funny, 2 minutes later I was on the air - WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE ROOF OF CAPTAIN FROSYIS? BLAH, BLAH, BLAH…” Dave and me were like ” was that about us, just, on the radio?” huh? We did couple of trips to the Yarmouth dump. It was quite a trip. I felt like a bus driver and Dave was stepping on the imaginary brake on the driver’s sit. We got to talk and it was good to find, once again, that they care and support each other infinitely. I made it to the lunch and it was as pleasant as always.

Another thing that heppant on the roof, and not quite pleasant, was that I got a call from my manager telling me that the assistant walked out. It’s a long and tedious story… The Bottom line is - I DON’T WANNA GO TO WORK TOMORROW. I’m sick and tired of the petty shit of small-minded people; I’m just tired. I really don’t know how to deal with it; it’s hell… I need a break! I just wanna go and work, but I want the rest of the people to work too.

I was totally not able to do as much studying as I had planed. I went to school on the verge of an anxiety attack. It was not because I was not prepared but because of the whole work situation (Kate called me before I left for school), my mind was just discombobulated. I caught my self, walking in and out of the classroom before the instructor came in. I wanted to complain; I felt shitty, I couldn’t focus. Miraculously though, once the class started all this fainted away. I was happy again; I felt strong and with a purpose, I was alive - there are greater things in the past and present of this world, than the petty, crap-issues of the day-to-day life. And I thing that the best reward was that I got a complete A on my paper. A paper that I had worked extremely hard on and I was one of the few who did as good.
I thing that’s enough for a queer day! It’s almost 1:00 am and it’s time for bed.